How I Horrified and Encouraged Myself With My Own Writing

So I found my old laptop the other day and decided to see if it still works. Maybe I could put it to use or do something with it. I turned it on and scanned through the documents saved on the hard drive to make sure I had transferred everything I wanted from it to my new computer (let it be known that I got my new laptop December 2012). Because it's been about two years since I last used that computer, the files on it were outdated to say the least. I found the old Microsoft Word file of my manuscript that is now completed and giggled to myself (I have since transferred over to the magnificent Scrivener). I decided to read what little I had back then and see how my editing had improved it.

Let me just say that I was not prepared for what I read.

I actually laughed out loud at parts of it. I cringed at the beginning and how awful it was. I shook my head at some of the stuff I have since cut from the story and don't even get me started on the stuff I changed.

The point here is that in the past two years, I've done a heck of a lot of editing. Sometimes it feels like I haven't accomplished anything in the way of editing. I'm on my fourth draft of editing and I often feel like I should be on like draft ten by now. School is busy, life gets crazy, and I just don't get as much editing done as I'd like (summer, come faster). 

But reading that two year old draft put things in perspective for me. I realize now that I actually have gotten a lot done. Even though I may not be as far in the process as I wish I was, I'm still pretty darn far, and I lost sight of that. Reading that horrifying two year old work-in-progress made me realize how much I really have accomplished in the last two years.

It also showed how much better my writing has gotten. A few parts (a very, very few parts) were basically the same, but the writing itself was just SO much better. My overall writing skill and storytelling is so much better than it was. Of course, I still want to improve it, but it's come a long way. 

So if you ever want a good laugh, read your super old writing. It's horrifying, but in a totally good way.

Why I Don't Care What People Think (And How)

Happy New Year!

Okay, so I'm a little late. Christmas break caught me totally by surprise and blogging, unfortunately, was not a priority. I was busy applying to graduate school, spending time with family, and, of course, writing! But it's a new year and I'm back to blogging.

I was actually struggling with what to write about, but then someone gave me a topic without meaning to.

Since I am graduating this spring (!!!), I have been meeting with different faculty members in my department to make sure I'm on track and getting everything done that I need to get done before then, and one particular faculty member said something interesting. 

I was meeting with her to make sure the online degree progress tracking application wasn't doing crazy things (it was doing crazy things, but that doesn't affect my graduation, thank goodness), and she asked about my current plans. The conversation went a little something like this:

Professor: So what do you plan to do after you graduate?

Me: I actually just finished applying to graduate school.

Professor: Excellent. Based on your grades, I don't think you should have any trouble getting in to graduate school. Did you apply for political science or history (my two majors)?

Me: Actually neither. I applied for creative writing.

Professor: .........Oh. I don't know anything about that department. Well if and when you don't get in, feel free to come back to me and we can talk about some other career options.

Ouch, right? I can't say that I wasn't a little miffed. I know she probably meant well and was trying to be helpful, but she admitted that she didn't know anything about that department (since she is a history professor), and she still insinuated that I had little to no chance of getting in. 

Which I think is especially rich, since she claimed I would have no problem in a different department. But I digress...

So she definitely ticked me off. I don't deny that. But it didn't upset me nearly as much as I thought it would or as much as my parents thought it would. I walked out of her office thinking "that was a jerk move" rather than totally being shaken and freaking out. The old me, the me that was a reality just a year ago, would have had a complete panic attack. 

But I didn't have a complete panic attack. Why not? Well, I'll tell you.

I didn't freak out because failure isn't an option for me. When I really want to do something, nothing will stop me from achieving it. Some may call it passion, some may call it stubbornness, but either way, I can't be stopped once I commit. A year ago (and every year before that), I hadn't committed to anything. I couldn't. I had no idea what I wanted out of life or what I wanted to do. And that caused a lot of paralyzing fear. So someone basically telling me that I most likely won't succeed would usually shake me up.

But it didn't, because I'm not worried. I'm fairly confident in my ability to get into grad school. That professor hasn't read my writing sample, but I have, and I know it's good. She doesn't know about my dedication to writing, but I know that I write at least 1500+ words a day (often more). She actually knows nothing about me other than my history major GPA. 

And even if I don't get into grad school, there are other ways to achieve my goals. I can always apply again next year and just take some time off to write. Grad school is just one road to where I'm going, but it isn't the only one.

Now before you think that this professor is a completely awful human being, let me just say that she totally isn't. She has actually been extraordinarily helpful in many other ways. This just isn't her area. She was trying to be helpful and let me know that I have other options in case this one fails, but she has no way of knowing how dedicated I am to pursuing writing. And that's ok, because she's not a writing professor.

So if she had said that to me a year ago when I was considering grad school for something I didn't care as much about and was really uncertain about pretty much everything, I probably would have had a total meltdown. But she didn't say it then. She said it now. And right now, I've never been more sure about anything in my life. 

So what I'm trying to say here is that if you really want it, no one will be able to stop you. Countless people tried to deter my sister from being a lawyer for a medley of reasons, but she didn't let it stop her because it's what she really wanted. She was able to push on in spite of opposition because she was passionate about what she was doing.

Now, I'm in no way comparing this to what my sister faced because people were outright nasty to her at times, but we certainly share the same stubbornness, and sometimes stubbornness is a good thing. It keeps you on track when other people, whether intentionally or not, try to derail you.

So even though this professor ticked me off and I definitely ranted about it to my parents later, I'm not discouraged, and I'm not giving up. This is what I really want. And after nearly twenty years of being completely confused about what I want to do, I won't be deterred now. Far be it from me to let someone stop me now.

Even When You're Done Writing, Keep Writing

So I'm still in the midst of editing... it's college finals time, y'all. But I'm sticking with the edits for several reasons:

1. I want to finish them with the goal of sending the manuscript to agents
2. I want to finish by January so that I can start the new year with an edited manuscript
3. I'm applying to graduate school for creative writing and the application is due by Jan. 1 and I'm hoping to use part of it as my writing sample
4. I'M TIRED OF EDITING

That last point is the topic of this blog post. Yes, I am tired of editing, but not really. That doesn't mean that I'm tired of writing, or that I'm tired of this manuscript, or that I'm tired of anything related to this. I have loved every step of this process and the editing phase is no exception. I'm just ready for the next phase of this. I want to edit it to the best of my abilities and continue on with this manuscript.

So I'm not really tired of editing, I'm just ready for the next thing. And I think that's a good thing.

However, my point here is that anything, even something you love, can become frustrating at times. I've heard some writers say that their favorite part of writing a book is the editing phase. They like polishing it and making it really good. Other writers will tell you their favorite part is the actual writing part. They like the creative word vomit phase, where it's just bursts of inspiration and chasing rabbit trails to see where they lead.

I can tell you that I'm in the second camp. I prefer the writing stage. So even though I have loved perfecting this manuscript and really making it more than just a stream of consciousness from my chaotic head, I kind of miss the writing phase.

So what's the solution? I just keep writing. 

I started writing the sequel to this manuscript as well as an entirely different manuscript. 

Now before you tell me I'm getting ahead of myself, let me tell you that even if that sequel never gets published, I'll still enjoy getting it written. I love writing. Of course the goal is to publish, but I write because I truly love it. There isn't much else I love more. 

But you see where I'm going here? Since writing is my favorite part of the process, I just keep writing. So when I get frustrated with my edits, I can remind myself why it will all be worth it. I like seeing the finished product that is edited and is much better than it was when I was typing anything and everything that came to my mind. Writing something different keeps me excited because I truly love writing, no matter what I say when I get frustrated. 

This works in reverse as well. If you like editing better and you are struggling to write something new, alternate it with editing something else. Mixing it up keeps it interesting and fun. You also get two projects done at once (Okay, not really at once, but you get my point). I love every phase of writing, but mixing them up keeps anything from getting the slightest bit stale.

How to Tell Your Friends about Your Book (Spoiler Alert: Just Do It!)

First off, a small update: I am still working on my second read-through and editing. College midterms got in the way...

Anyway, a conversation I had in class the other day sparked the idea for this post. I was talking with a classmate (who I talk to every class meeting) about my plans to go to graduate school for creative writing and she commented that she has often seen me scribbling furiously before class starts. We laughed, we chatted, and we had a pretty good talk. 

And then she asked me if I've finished anything yet. I told her that I had, that I had written a YA fantasy book and that I was currently editing it. And then she asked me THE question. THE dreaded question.

"So what is the book about?"

I hate that question. It always makes me super uncomfortable because I always feel pretty stupid talking about it. I didn't even tell my mom I was writing this manuscript until I was like 2-3 years into it. My best friend practically coaxed it out of me. I always feel really stupid telling people that I wrote a book about a mermaid. 

But I sucked it up and I told her, mostly because I didn't want to dodge her question like a weirdo, but also because I like talking about books and writing, even if it's my own.

And what was her response? Did she laugh at me? Did she ridicule my idea? Did she say it was childish or silly or pointless or weird or any of the things I always fear?

No. Of course not. She thought it was cool. She couldn't believe that I wrote a book, joking that she can't write at all. She thought it was impressive.

I always hesitate to tell people what my book is about because I fear a medley of responses, none of which I have ever actually gotten. It's a silly fear and I should get over it. Within the past 6-8 months or so, I've told several of my friends and none of them have responded that way. I've asked a couple of friends to read some of it (insert paralyzing anxiety here) and they have loved it. 

So let's bring it back to my classmate. I told her how uncomfortable it makes me to talk about it because I feel so stupid, and what did she say? "Well, J.K. Rowling must have thought the same thing at some point, considering the fantasy she wrote." 

Now I'm not even pretending to know what J.K. Rowling thinks, but the point remains the same. Who's to say that my idea is stupid? Someone had to come up with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Vampire Diaries, Narnia, Twilight, and about a million other examples. Fantasy is a freaking weird genre, and that's why it's so great. All of the great fantasy novels we have today started at the same place I'm at.

I'm not saying my book will become a massive hit like Harry Potter (though that would be awesome), but I should be confident in my book and my idea. It may take time, but I should learn to discuss my book with confidence and a healthy sense of pride because I came up with the idea for the book and then I wrote it down.

Talking with friends about this has actually made me much happier and confident, even when it is awkward. I like talking about it. I like knowing that I've let it escape from my head and other people know the story and it's not just me anymore. It's really liberating. 

So if you are living with the fear of telling your friends about your book idea, just do it. Seriously. You will feel a heck of a lot better.

Why Second Read-Throughs Are So Cool

So I have officially started my second read-through of my manuscript!

I know I haven't blogged in a while, and there are a couple of reasons for that. One is that I recently finished midterm week, so that was incredibly time-consuming. The second reason is that I started writing a new manuscript, and I felt like that deserved priority over blogging.

Now, that isn't to say that I've neglected my completed manuscript. I definitely haven't. I completed my first read-through and performed the necessary edits. 

Which brings me to the topic of this blog post: How is the second read-through different from the first?

The majority of my notes from my first read-through went like this:
1. copy edits / typos
2. deciding if I wanted to use present tense or past tense
3. making sure the story flowed
4. checking story line consistencies and date consistencies
5. looking for plot holes

Now I'm only about a third of the way through my second read-through, but these are the trends I'm noticing:
1. checking to make sure my protagonist's voice is strong
2. making sure the story flows
3. making sure the material I added to fill plot holes after the first read-through is successful and fits the rest of the manuscript

In many ways, the second read-through is far more enjoyable and exciting than the first. The first time, I was reading a raw manuscript filled with errors and inconsistencies. It was almost entirely unedited and it definitely showed. It was fun reading it for the first time all the way through, but it was also exhausting to catch all the many, many errors there were. 

But this time, it's different. It's still far from a perfect manuscript and I still have a long way to go, but it's already been edited a lot. Plot holes have been filled, typos eliminated, timeline inconsistencies eradicated. It's a complete, 80,000+ word manuscript that is a cohesive and well-constructed piece of writing. 

That's why the second read-through is so much fun. I feel like I'm reading what could potentially be a real book someday. It doesn't feel like a first draft anymore because it isn't. It feels real. For the first time in this entire process since I started writing, it actually feels like a book. And that's cool.

So while I continue down the long road of edits, I think this will be a good reminder. My manuscript is for real. It could one day (hopefully) be a real, published book. And that's really encouraging. 

So if you have a completed manuscript, no matter how raw it is, remember that it's an actual completed manuscript. It's a book. And that's pretty legit.

KMG