Avoiding the Editing Burn Out

So the past few weeks have been super crazy. I finished up my most intense semester of college yet, went out of town for a week, then immediately came home with a massive to-do list.

Let's keep in mind that most of my to-do list is fun stuff, but it is still overwhelming. 

I am currently about 2/3 of the way through what I'm hoping is my last round of edits of my completed manuscript before I start submitting (excuse me while I have a panic attack). I am about a third of the way through reading my friend's debut novel (shoutout to the lovely K.E. Ormsbee on the release of The Water and the Wild!). I have another book already on my Kindle waiting to be read. I have a list on GoodReads of so so so many books that I want to read. I have a short story that I never finished writing from like a year ago. I have two in progress manuscripts that I want to keep working on so I don't lose momentum. I also have two online college classes to do. 

And this list doesn't even include all the random day-to-day stuff that I need to do.
 My goal is to finish editing completed manuscript by the end of May so I can start querying in June.

All of this to say that, basically, I burned out. Not a total oh-my-goodness-I-can't-even-function-in-life-anymore burn out, but an editing burn out (Side note: this has totally happened to me before). I reached a point where I just didn't want to edit anymore. Some people prefer the editing phase of writing, but others, like me, prefer the actual writing (word vomit) stage. I like putting words on paper. That's the easy part. Making them sound good is much harder for me.

So, basically, when I first started editing, I lived in this state of denial for an embarrassing length of time:

(Except that my novel is a fantasy novel... hahaha puns)

I knew that I needed to edit, but I didn't want to because I was afraid of the challenge it presented. I edited on my own for a long time before I ever let anyone look at it, and even then, I only let one person see it (I have since given 2 people access to the entire thing and 1 person access to pieces of it. Hey, progress is progress, don't judge me). 

I then got really motivated to edit so that it could be the best I could make it in hopes of getting it published. I went through several drafts before finally printing it (see my post about printing the manuscript). 

Printing it brought it's own form of encouragement, but I still experienced an editing burn out. I got so tired of editing, of reading the same scenes over and over because I just can't seem to get them right, of catching weird timeline inconsistencies, and OH MY GOSH I CHANGED THAT CHARACTER'S NAME AND IT RUINED MY LIFE BECAUSE I KEEP FINDING THE OLD VERSION 6 DRAFTS LATER. 

Then I had a mini (okay fine, it was major) crisis moment and despaired in full on drama queen mode and it went a little something like this:

(Fun fact: I don't even drink coffee... This is just my natural state)

But then I took a deep breath, I put the manuscript down, and I picked up a novel and read. I revisited some of my favorite writing related blogs. I wrote a few scenes on my in progress manuscripts. I relaxed. 

Then I came back to the manuscript rejuvenated. I remembered why I wanted to edit this in the first place. I want to send it out. I hope to get it published. I want to be able to let my friends read it without wanting to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment.

And I want the story to be the best it can be. I want to do the story and the characters justice. After all the years that my MC Jade has spent screaming in my head for me to write her story down, she deserves that much. 

So yes, editing is not my favorite part of the writing process by any means, but it feels really cool to read a scene you've read a million times only to find that it has a new kind of magic to it because of something you changed during editing. It feels like life has been injected into your writing and it's fun. 

Editing is hard and sometimes not fun at all, but when you see the evidence of your hard work, it feels really awesome. And of course, if I am lucky enough to become a published author, much more editing is in my future, so I've learned to love it and what it can accomplish. 

I Printed My Manuscript (Alternatively, The Best Decision I've Ever Made)

So... I did something a little crazy...

I have read several times that you should print out your manuscript at some point during the editing process. Many people say this helps because the words look different on paper and it forces you to slow down and really focus on the words, which is hard to do on a computer screen. 

So I did. I printed my manuscript. 

You guys... Printing this thing out did SO much more for me than just forcing me to slow down when I read.

Here it is.... I got it printed professionally, mostly because I didn't want to wait for 372 pages to print (and yes, it is 372 pages... cue squeals of glee), and because they bind it when you print professionally. I don't exactly have a stapler that goes through that much paper. 

So there it is. Isn't that cool? (By the way, the formatting of that first page is courtesy of Scrivener's manuscript compiling formatting... it's the best). 

Here it is from a cool, artsy diagonal angle. You can now appreciate the really nice binding the print shop put on it for me.

So pretty exciting right? Just you wait, it gets cooler...

Here it is from the side.

Y'ALL. Look how FREAKING THICK it is! It's so huge! When I picked it up at the print shop, the first thing I said when they put it on the counter was, "Oh my goodness, that is so much bigger than I thought it was." 

So I haven't actually started editing it yet, but I have flipped through it casually and noticed errors that I didn't catch in the first 4 read throughs. So, the good news is that printing it out really does work.

The BETTER news is that it's a FREAKING BOOK. Intellectually, I knew that my novel was 83,700 words (which is conveniently printed on the first page). I knew that when I exported it from Scrivener to Word that it amounted to about 372 pages. But seeing how much paper that amounts to is the craziest feeling in the world. The first time I flipped through it, I actually teared up from the overwhelming excitement. There's something very satisfying about holding 372 pieces of paper with words on it in your hand and being able to say, "I wrote every single word on every page of this." 

(I also may or may not be obsessively staring at it 24/7 now... but that's a whole other personal issue...)

If I ever needed encouragement to finish editing this so I can send it out (and believe me, sometimes I do need it), then gosh darn it, printing the bad boy out was the way to do it. Seeing the sheer size of the thing made me so ecstatically happy.

If you're in the editing process, print the thing out. Seriously, just do it. That's all I have to say.

Also, scroll back up and look at my book again. Just because you can. It's not like I'm obsessed with it or anything. 

KMG

Pushy Protagonists (And How to Silence Them)

Ok, so this blog post is going to basically just be a rant, more or less. Just giving you a fair warning before I babble on senselessly, trying to make a point. Bear with me, I have something to say, I promise.

So, recently I developed another story idea that I'm pretty excited about. It's not perfectly worked out yet, but the basic plot points are coming together and I've already written a rough first two chapters. Starting a new story is always fun because you never know where it's going to lead. It's so fascinating to watch a story develop before your eyes as your hands type furiously, trying to keep up with the brainstorming (at least in the early stages). 

Where things get complicated, at least for me, is learning the voice of this new protagonist. Every time I try to work on something that isn't my already completed manuscript, I get really lost trying to find the voice. I prefer first person narratives because I like to hear the thoughts of the protagonist. I like to struggle with their thoughts and perceptions along with them. It's one of my favorite aspects of books, so I try to replicate that.

But learning a new voice is hard. The protagonist of my completed manuscript (her name is Jade) was easy to write, to an extent. I had had the idea for so many years that it was like she was a close, personal friend. I knew her well. I knew exactly how she would react to anything. The struggles I had writing that manuscript never had anything to do with Jade's personality or her voice. That was the one thing I never had a problem with. When I would work on that story, it was like Jade took control of my thoughts so that my thoughts and opinions synced with hers. Often, I would write for hours straight, getting thousands of words onto the page, only to later read it, Jade in my head, and think "Jade, what on earth were you thinking?" 

And I liked that. It was easy. Even if I didn't agree with Jade's decisions (and I often don't), I understood them. I knew them. I never had to wonder, "What would Jade do?" or "How would Jade react to this situation?" So while I struggled with other aspects of the storytelling itself, I never had to worry about Jade's voice.

All that to say that now, whatever character I come up with at this point, I struggle to find their voice. I might know exactly how I want them to come across (i.e. shy, bold, flirty, sarcastic, etc.), but actually putting that into words is much harder than it sounds. I feel like I don't know this new character well enough to write like I'm inside her head. 

But you know what's cool? Learning a new character is exciting. It's like making a new friend that quickly becomes a best friend. You get to discover her opinions, beliefs, quirks, and personality as you go. The more I write, the more I get to know her.

This happened to me once before. I tried to write a story but couldn't for the life of me get the hang of the protagonist's voice. I knew exactly how I wanted him to come across, but I just couldn't get inside his head, couldn't think like him. I unofficially gave up on it and left the six or so chapters I had completed just sit idle on my computer. Maybe I'll come back to it at some point and try again.

But I think that I just didn't write consistently enough to learn him. I need to spend time with my characters to learn them, just like I would with any person. You have to be around someone a lot to truly understand them. I think the reason that this current manuscript is going so much better in that regard is that I wrote about 4,000 words in one sitting, and by the end of it, I felt like I had a much better grasp on the protagonist's voice than I did at the beginning. I spent the time with her. I learned her brain.

Now that's not to say that Jade doesn't still linger in my head. It's hard for me to write a situation and not think "If this happened to Jade, she would totally do ___." And maybe it will always be that way. I think Jade will always hold a special place in my mind because she was my first protagonist. But the more I write other characters consistently, the easier it gets to differentiate between the current protagonist's reactions and Jade's. Jade's thoughts still pop into my head, but I can more easily push them aside and consider a different point of view.

So all that to say that if you too have a very pushy first protagonist, the solution is to write a lot and often in a different voice. Pick an idea that you have and learn that character consistently. Eventually you will come to know him/her really well and you'll be able to get inside their head. By the end of that 4,000 words, it became easier to think more like the protagonist and less like Jade. 

Additional tip: tell your pushy protagonist to shove it.

KMG

How I Horrified and Encouraged Myself With My Own Writing

So I found my old laptop the other day and decided to see if it still works. Maybe I could put it to use or do something with it. I turned it on and scanned through the documents saved on the hard drive to make sure I had transferred everything I wanted from it to my new computer (let it be known that I got my new laptop December 2012). Because it's been about two years since I last used that computer, the files on it were outdated to say the least. I found the old Microsoft Word file of my manuscript that is now completed and giggled to myself (I have since transferred over to the magnificent Scrivener). I decided to read what little I had back then and see how my editing had improved it.

Let me just say that I was not prepared for what I read.

I actually laughed out loud at parts of it. I cringed at the beginning and how awful it was. I shook my head at some of the stuff I have since cut from the story and don't even get me started on the stuff I changed.

The point here is that in the past two years, I've done a heck of a lot of editing. Sometimes it feels like I haven't accomplished anything in the way of editing. I'm on my fourth draft of editing and I often feel like I should be on like draft ten by now. School is busy, life gets crazy, and I just don't get as much editing done as I'd like (summer, come faster). 

But reading that two year old draft put things in perspective for me. I realize now that I actually have gotten a lot done. Even though I may not be as far in the process as I wish I was, I'm still pretty darn far, and I lost sight of that. Reading that horrifying two year old work-in-progress made me realize how much I really have accomplished in the last two years.

It also showed how much better my writing has gotten. A few parts (a very, very few parts) were basically the same, but the writing itself was just SO much better. My overall writing skill and storytelling is so much better than it was. Of course, I still want to improve it, but it's come a long way. 

So if you ever want a good laugh, read your super old writing. It's horrifying, but in a totally good way.

Why I Don't Care What People Think (And How)

Happy New Year!

Okay, so I'm a little late. Christmas break caught me totally by surprise and blogging, unfortunately, was not a priority. I was busy applying to graduate school, spending time with family, and, of course, writing! But it's a new year and I'm back to blogging.

I was actually struggling with what to write about, but then someone gave me a topic without meaning to.

Since I am graduating this spring (!!!), I have been meeting with different faculty members in my department to make sure I'm on track and getting everything done that I need to get done before then, and one particular faculty member said something interesting. 

I was meeting with her to make sure the online degree progress tracking application wasn't doing crazy things (it was doing crazy things, but that doesn't affect my graduation, thank goodness), and she asked about my current plans. The conversation went a little something like this:

Professor: So what do you plan to do after you graduate?

Me: I actually just finished applying to graduate school.

Professor: Excellent. Based on your grades, I don't think you should have any trouble getting in to graduate school. Did you apply for political science or history (my two majors)?

Me: Actually neither. I applied for creative writing.

Professor: .........Oh. I don't know anything about that department. Well if and when you don't get in, feel free to come back to me and we can talk about some other career options.

Ouch, right? I can't say that I wasn't a little miffed. I know she probably meant well and was trying to be helpful, but she admitted that she didn't know anything about that department (since she is a history professor), and she still insinuated that I had little to no chance of getting in. 

Which I think is especially rich, since she claimed I would have no problem in a different department. But I digress...

So she definitely ticked me off. I don't deny that. But it didn't upset me nearly as much as I thought it would or as much as my parents thought it would. I walked out of her office thinking "that was a jerk move" rather than totally being shaken and freaking out. The old me, the me that was a reality just a year ago, would have had a complete panic attack. 

But I didn't have a complete panic attack. Why not? Well, I'll tell you.

I didn't freak out because failure isn't an option for me. When I really want to do something, nothing will stop me from achieving it. Some may call it passion, some may call it stubbornness, but either way, I can't be stopped once I commit. A year ago (and every year before that), I hadn't committed to anything. I couldn't. I had no idea what I wanted out of life or what I wanted to do. And that caused a lot of paralyzing fear. So someone basically telling me that I most likely won't succeed would usually shake me up.

But it didn't, because I'm not worried. I'm fairly confident in my ability to get into grad school. That professor hasn't read my writing sample, but I have, and I know it's good. She doesn't know about my dedication to writing, but I know that I write at least 1500+ words a day (often more). She actually knows nothing about me other than my history major GPA. 

And even if I don't get into grad school, there are other ways to achieve my goals. I can always apply again next year and just take some time off to write. Grad school is just one road to where I'm going, but it isn't the only one.

Now before you think that this professor is a completely awful human being, let me just say that she totally isn't. She has actually been extraordinarily helpful in many other ways. This just isn't her area. She was trying to be helpful and let me know that I have other options in case this one fails, but she has no way of knowing how dedicated I am to pursuing writing. And that's ok, because she's not a writing professor.

So if she had said that to me a year ago when I was considering grad school for something I didn't care as much about and was really uncertain about pretty much everything, I probably would have had a total meltdown. But she didn't say it then. She said it now. And right now, I've never been more sure about anything in my life. 

So what I'm trying to say here is that if you really want it, no one will be able to stop you. Countless people tried to deter my sister from being a lawyer for a medley of reasons, but she didn't let it stop her because it's what she really wanted. She was able to push on in spite of opposition because she was passionate about what she was doing.

Now, I'm in no way comparing this to what my sister faced because people were outright nasty to her at times, but we certainly share the same stubbornness, and sometimes stubbornness is a good thing. It keeps you on track when other people, whether intentionally or not, try to derail you.

So even though this professor ticked me off and I definitely ranted about it to my parents later, I'm not discouraged, and I'm not giving up. This is what I really want. And after nearly twenty years of being completely confused about what I want to do, I won't be deterred now. Far be it from me to let someone stop me now.