You, The Author, Controls the Story (Also, Losing Writing Sucks)

So this post is kind of two-fold. Let's start with the first fold (see what I did there? I'm sorry...).

So this past week, I experienced every writer's worst fear: some of my WIP manuscript was corrupted and I lost over 2,500 words. My computer had some weird meltdown and I had to force close and when I restarted, Scrivener had lost the most recent scene I had written.

(Let's be clear. I emailed Scrivener support and they were wonderful, but unfortunately, the problem couldn't be fixed. Not their fault, but still devastating.)

So what did I do? Well, like any mature adult, I took notes from my computer and also had a full on meltdown. I was gloomy the rest of the day, moped well into the next, and then desperately googled any solutions I could find, but none worked.

The good news: I could reproduce the last 500 words or so from memory because I wrote them so recently. I also remembered that I wrote about 600 by hand and I still had the paper, so I could perfectly redo that part as well.

The bad news: I couldn't for the life of me remember how the scene started. I could remember parts of it, but not nearly all 1,400 words. It bothered me not being able to remember the scene, let alone the exact words I used. I whined and complained about that to my boyfriend and like the encouraging, supportive person he is, he said to me, "It may not be exactly what you wrote before, but it will still be good because you are a good writer. If you need time to vent, then vent. But then you can redo it."

Now, I was grouchy when he said this, but his words weren't lost on me. That was probably the best thing anyone could have said to a writer who just lost 2,500 words of writing. (Side note: He's pretty wonderful all the time.)

But that was still a hard concept for me to accept. I have a pretty good memory, even photographic at times, so not being able to reproduce the words exactly as they were bugs me. I can read a sentence, know that the words are not identical to before, but still not be able to remember them. And I hate that. 

And here's where we transition into the second fold (again, sorry). I promise the two are related.

I have a really hard time taking helpful criticism from people for one specific reason: I don't like when people suggest big changes. Tell me that you think the dialogue would sound better this way, fine. Tell me I didn't describe the setting at all, we're cool. But tell me to change a character's name or change their actions in a scene, and I will bristle. I know that sounds weird so hear me out.

I once saw a quote that said something along the lines of writers don't control characters, they just follow them with a pen and write down what happens (please comment if you know what quote I'm talking about, I can't find it). I've always kind of operated under this philosophy. The characters have become so real to me that I often forget that I created them, that I control them. 

Now, that's not to say that I don't experience that thing that many writers describe where the scene you intend to write morphs entirely because the characters basically gave you the middle finger and did whatever they wanted (okay, I definitely sound crazy). 

But I constantly have to remind myself that I do have some control over what words appear on the page. So maybe I can't reproduce the lost scene exactly the way it was (and I'm still kind of grumpy about that, even though I have since redone it). And maybe I have to change actions I don't want to change because they don't fit the story. At some point, I have to trust what my boyfriend said, that I am a good writer, and that I can, in fact, manipulate the story to make it the best it can be. It's not always easy, but it's worth it.